I can’t keep up the smile, I can’t do the brave face. My parents don’t like me, they ignore my tears, I’m drowning in my own thoughts and fears, the world scares me and I feel so vulnerable, I can’t keep up the everyday act, the ‘Girl who doesn’t give a fuck’. I should be happy but I’m not, I sometimes even feel like my boyfriend is against me, no one cares, no one listens. Burden.
I thought I was getting better but I’m an idiot for thinking that too, I can’t deal with change or the future or even the present, the past is always bugging me too. I’m a complete fuck up and I just wish that could get a new thought process on everything. I’m struggling, I’m trying to do so much for other people and always putting my own happiness at risk, I mean what even is happiness because although I may think I have experienced it at various points in my life it’s never been an ongoing thing, I wouldn’t be able to tell you everyday that I’m happy. I think happiness ends when you reach the point in your life when you start giving a shit but even then you have to be someone who everyone likes in the first place. People are shit. I’m shit. This is shit. Fuck life.
My dress is so bright today but my head is still dark :(
Im such a stressy, nervous, panicky person it’s unreal, I actually feel sick at the thought of going out my comfort zone :(
books are just dead tattoed trees
That’s metal as fuck
Today I bent over to pick a massive pile of invoices up at work and as I bent over I farted…I feel no shame. It’s cool.